I have a constant yearning for the idea of letting go of my fears and to finally stop doubting myself and every little thing I do constantly. I seek constant reassurance in my friends because, mostly, I cannot begin to understand why someone would choose to use the brief time that we are given in life with me. It’s not that I view myself as a bad person, or that I think I’m particularly unbearable, it just means that I feel like there are many people on this planet who are much better than me and I don’t consider myself that easy to be around.
There are billions of people on this planet, some good, some bad- although most are a mixture of both. Nobody is wholly evil or wholly good and as human beings we aren’t functioned to work that way, so I am finally aware of the fact it makes no sense to compare myself to other people on the planet. But I cannot help it, and I cannot help the thoughts that drill themselves into my brain that tell me repeatedly that I am never going to be good enough- for friends, for love, for anything. It is physically and emotionally draining and can sometimes make it hard to breathe in this world.
I told myself that I would try not to make these posts wholly negative so I am going to try and force myself to instil some positive thoughts into this piece. Yes, my thoughts may be exhausting; they may sometimes cause me genuine physical pain, they may make me feel worthless and that I will never truly become good enough but the main thing to remember is that they are not true and never were- and never will be.
Thoughts like these can often make you selfish and make you become the very thing that you have feared for so long. If you keep telling yourself you are not good enough, the chances are you will become a shell of your former self. If you constantly second guess and doubt yourself, it’s never going to end well. It’s about realising that, whilst overriding the negative thoughts with positive ones may be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done but I have people in my life now who make it worth it. There may be times when I still feel like I am drowning in these thoughts and I am never going to pull myself back up, but they are merely fleeting. They will never last forever. They can’t last forever.
P.S. Sorry this has turned into much less of a review blog. I find it hard to find inspiration through makeup reviews- but I want to return to them soon.